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Prologue:

It was that time of year again…when all good Canadians get fed up with winter, pack it in and head south. This time there were four of us going, my sister Wendy Workman, her husband, Don Murphy, (myself) David Workman and of course my most awesome girlfriend, Jacqueline Brown. It was a nightmare trying to find a suitable booking time for everyone but we finally managed it. As per usual, we booked through SelloffVacations.com at a price of $756.00 all-inclusive each (total including taxes, resort and return flight for one week). We actually booked it through Service Guarantee Travel in Kingston, Ontario, but they went through Selloffvacations and matched their exact price.

Thursday Feb 7, 2008

Jacqueline and I got up around 6:00. It was a lovely snowstorm and there was about 3 feet of snow across the end of her driveway. Shovelling that gave us even more incentive to head south. We drove to Wilton and picked up Don and Wendy. But first we had to put all our luggage into the trunk of my Echo, tetris-style. They just barely fit. With all the luggage in the trunk, plus 4 people, my little car was very back heavy. The roads were icy which made for pretty treacherous driving conditions. It was wall to wall transports and we got caught in a few traffic jams as we neared Toronto . I think we were all wondering if they were going to last long enough that we missed our flight. We left at 8:00 and arrived at our hotel at noon - the Radisson on Dixon Road. We unloaded the car and took a taxi to the airport. We were supposed to have a free shuttle but it was only for two people. So instead, we decided to take the free shuttle back on our return.

Our Skyservice plane was an hour late, leaving at 5:00. Don was beginning to get annoyed, as he needed his passport for every little thing. It was not a particularly comfortable flight…especially for Jacqueline who had a few minor problems like her sinus cold, saying that it felt like her head was going to explode. The seats were too close together so my knees were touching the seat in front. The plane itself was very noisy - it actually sounded like there was something wrong with it. The meal was a sub type sandwich thrown at us halfway through the flight. We did get a Jackie Chan movie which was okay. If airlines were rated out of five like hotels, I would call Skyservice a two star. Jacqueline spent the whole time with her head wrapped in her coat. She looked much like the Elephant Man. Whenever we tried to engage her in conversation she would seem to lose interest and say, "Hmmm…". The three of us began mimicking her from that point on.

We arrived in Camaguey, Cuba at 8:30 pm then took a really nice full-sized bus to our resort. Wendy said, "I wish we could put wings on this thing and fly it back home". There was a woman on board who gave us a brief rundown of what to expect. Her whole spiel conisted of saying "eh!" every second word.

We arrived at our resort about 10:00 pm. We were greeted by several dancers in the lobby of the Brisas/Oasis Santa Lucia and were each given a blue drink which J and Wendy said was dreadful but I found quite good. We had agreed previously that Wendy and Jacqueline would look after getting the bags off the bus while Don and I ran in to get the best rooms. Don and I were one of the first in line. We were going to upgrade our rooms but the clerk said that we already had really good rooms. I didn't believe him, but it ended up being true. We actually had the two best rooms in the hotel. Ours were adjoining rooms (314 & 315) on the ground floor right on the beach. All the other rooms were inland.

Both our rooms were very nice. We had a locking adjoining door. Wendy opened her patio door and invited a palmetto bug inside. Somehow it ended up in our room. Using a credit card, I tried to flip it into the waste basket. I missed and it landed at Jacqueline's feet. Previously she had told me she couldn't dance. Apparently this was not true. Wendy and Don decided they had had enough excitement and went to bed. Jacqueline and I went exploring. For some reason we decided to find the gym at 11:30 pm. The resort is huge and each of the paths had little signs pointing towards the gym. We ended up getting lost for about an hour. The next day someone told us that the signs were all wrong as they were renovating.

Friday February 8, 2008

I knocked on our inside adjoining door. Wendy answered the outside main door. This became a constant throughout our whole seven days. All of us went to the buffet restaurant for breakfast. Jacqueline was still not feeling well with her cold. She's a coffee connasseur but they only had instant. The fruit was abundant but it's not a good idea to eat fruit that's already been peeled. As Jacqueline said, "Great…it's all inclusive but we can't eat anything". But actually, there was plenty to eat. I had the chef make me an omelette. I requested two eggs, he stirred them up and gave me the bowl. I went around and filled it with cheese, green peppers, onions etc., then he made it up. There was also another chef making smoothies. You told him which fruits you wanted from a selection of guayaba, pineapple, banana, oranges etc., and he blended them together for you. Wendy and I were the brave ones and always had fruit. Jacqueline and Don stuck to toast and yogurt etc.

Later I cashed $100 Cdn for $86.30 Convertible Cuban Pesos. At 10:00 we went for our Nolitours representative's seminar on our package. Every second word she said was "perfect". The four of us were cracking up because of it. She explained all the tours we could pay for. My favourite was one called "The Lobster Meal Tour".

She said, "On this tour we will drive to a local home where you may, or may not be served lobster….Per…fect…"

Included in our package was a catamaran snorkelling tour to the reef. Although it was free, we had to sign up for it. I stood in line for close to an hour before finding out I was in the wrong line. The real line still took a further 45 minutes. We had wanted to go on the morning tour but it was filled so I signed us all up for the afternoon tour.

Later, we learned this worked out very well as the morning tour was cancelled. Wendy stood in line for the same amount of time to get us signed up for our three free a la carte meals. Don went back to our rooms to get our passports saying, "Why do we need our passports to sign up for a free meal and tour…come to think of it…why do we even need to sign up for a free meal and tour?". Jacqueline and Don wandered around sampling pina coladas, margueritas and beer. Finally, we were done. The four of us headed for the beach. Jacqueline and I went for a swim and practised hand stands. She was much better than I was.

Jacqueline suggested we go for a walk on the beach. I spotted a topless woman sunbathing so I led us that way. Jacqueline never saw her. We were actually standing right over top of her when Jacqueline spotted something in the sand. "Look at the size of those grapefruits!" she said. I thought it best to wander away and pretend I didn't know her. We went for a short walk then laid out on some beach chairs. I fell asleep. I woke up to something in my mouth. Jacqueline was wiping her fingers.

"What's that?", I asked

"Grapefruit", replied Jacqueline.

"Where'd you get that?"

"I found it in the sand", she replied as I began spitting it out. Yuck…beach grapefruit.

I was a little kinder to J. I walked to the beach restaurant and brought her back some fish and chips and some fresh pineapple juice.

Later, we took the paddleboat out. It was huge and would hold 5 people but it was the most efficient paddleboat I've ever used. It worked very well. We did have our problems at the start though. Jacqueline didn't realize that the pedals were connected on both sides. I jumped in and she began pedaling as hard as she could. My foot was trapped under the pedal. It hurt much more when she started to stomp on it to try and loosen it. I had a lovely bruise on my foot. It was the same foot her friend's horse had kicked last month putting me out of commission for two weeks, and the same one I had sprained the month before that, playing volleyball.

Our watersports being over, we decided to go for a bike ride but unfortunately it was closed. Instead we left the resort and walked about two miles down the main road to the next village. This was when I discovered that Jacqueline liked to sample any items which she thought might be food. She plucked a strange looking berry off a stranger looking tree and began sniffing it.

"I wouldn't eat that if I were you…", I began, but she had already swallowed it.

"Oh…don't worry, it should be fine", she said, already moving on to a black nut she found in the grass.

"Well, we're two miles from our room and I'm not carrying you back if you die."

"Oh, you worry too much," she said while licking a toad.

Eventually, Jacqueline finished grazing and we walked back along the beach at dusk checking for shells all the way. We didn't have a watch but knew we had reservations for 8:30 at the Cuban restaurant. We asked a couple of guards we saw and they said it was around 6:30 so we made it back in plenty of time. We even had time for a bubble bath and to get dressed for the occasion. We learned later that Wendy and Don didn't bring a bath plug so they missed out on the bathtub. We joined Don and Wendy at the Cuban Restaurant and it was excellent.

"What are 'Stream Beans'?", asked Don reading one of the side dishes from the menu.

"I think they mean 'String Beans'", said Wendy.

"Per…fect", said Jacqueline.

"Hmm", said I.

Later we watched the nightly entertainment. They're idea of comedy was always of a sexual nature. It was so unfunny and childish that it was actually quite funny. Eventually we got bored and the four of us toured around the hotel following the many paths. The resort is quite huge. As we walked by, the local drunk told me he would be happy to take Jacqueline off my hands. I considered it, but passed for now. Returned to our room and went to bed.

"What did you think of the entertainment?", I asked Jacqueline.

"Hmm…", she replied.

Saturday February 9, 2008

Jacqueline said her head felt like it was going to explode again although it looked about the same pumpkin size to me. We joined Don and Wendy for a good breakfast again then J and I went for a long walk on the beach. We met Don and went back for some pineapple juice. Then the four of us raced to the lobby to catch our 1:30 free snorkeling tour. Just as the little train pulled up, I realized I forgot my slip of paper for the tour. I raced back to the room and realized I forgot my key. Luckily, the maid was next door and I was able to persuade her to let me in. By the time I raced back to the lobby, I was exhausted. Don shook his head as he showed his passport before getting on the tour bus. We were driven about a mile down the road to a marina where we learned that our catamaran had been borrowed by another resort. Instead we would be going to the reef by fishing boat. One lady was very irate, yelling "my free tour was supposed to be by catamaran". The rest of us took it in stride and presented our passports once again. The four of us sat on the bow of the boat while the captain piloted us out to the reef. We all had an excellent time snorkeling for over an hour seeing all kinds of multi-coloured fish and formations. At one point I followed Jacqueline and she led us into a sort of box canyon where we got stuck. She quit about 15 minutes early as her head cold was bothering her. Don also went back as he was cold. Wendy and I were cold as well, but we just couldn't give it up. On the way back, our guide jumped overboard and came up wearing a starfish for a hat. Later he fed a seagull that was following us.

Back at the resort, Jacqueline and I went for another long walk to the left. We had to jog the last mile back so we wouldn't miss our reservation at the Italian Restaurant. We hardly had time to change. We met Wendy and Don there and were serenaded by two guitar players, a bongo player and a shaker. Very good.

"I'll have the stream beans and pasta", said Don to the waiter.

Jacqueline's voice had been steadily getting huskier since our jog this morning. Now it was almost non-existant (…and the world rejoiced!). I had to order her meal for her.

Sunday February 10, 2008

The four of us went for breakfast. I had my usual egg omelette and smoothie. Wendy and Don decided to relax on the beach. Jacqueline and I filled up my insulated bottle with pineapple juice from the bar. We decided to walk as far as we could see to the right. There was a point about 5 miles away. We were accosted by several vendors trying to sell us shells and asking for any clothes we didn't need. We decided we might need the bathing suits we were wearing. Just off the resort was what we referred to as the "prostitute tree". This was a gnarly old tree under which the ladies of the evening (and apparently the afternoon as well) hung out. They called to me as we went by but Jacqueline wouldn't lend me any money. In Spanish, I told them I would sneak back later tonight.

"What did you say to them?", asked Jacqueline suspiciously.

"I just told them to have a good day", I replied.

We pressed on. Once off the resort, the beach was virtually empty. We swam along the way in many of the secluded bays and found many intricate little shells and pieces of coral. The water was crystal clear and the temperature was perfect. We both agreed that it was like a dream come true and we were living in a fantasy world. It was like being on a deserted island. My woman, Friday and I continued on our trek. Near the end we discovered there was a small fishing village at the point. The beach at this end was littered with large conch shells. Unfortunately, many of them were buried in the sand, with their points sticking up. My peripheral vision is not good and I managed to step on about 17 of them on the heel of my sprained, horse-kicked, paddleboat mangled left foot. Eventually, I got wise and let Jacqueline lead, stepping directly into her footsteps. This was later referred to as the "Cuban MissHeel Crisis".

Near the village we spied several men in a horsedrawn wagon ambling along the beachfront road. Apparently they did not get many bikini-clad women at this end of the beach.

"Hola", said Jacqueline.

The driver looked up, startled and drove his cart right off the road and almost into the ocean. Jacqueline continued on, unaware of the path of destruction she had caused.

On the way back we stopped at another secluded beach and had a much needed siesta and a drink of icy pineapple juice from my bottle. Then we had another perfect swim, floating around for about an hour and finally headed back. As Jacqueline said, quoting Billy Crystal in the movie "City Slickers", "This is my best day". I could only agree.

At the half-way point we came upon an old pier with some young men fishing off it. They didn't see us arriving.

"Hola", yelled Jacqueline.

Startled, one of them fell off the pier while the othe two began hooting at her. Jacqueline had already run ahead and was admiring a shell she found. As per usual, she was unaware of the havoc she was leaving in her wake. Five hours later we were back at the resort.

Jacqueline tanned by the pool while I played some rousing games of volleyball with some French and German guests for about 45 minutes. At 6:30 all of us met for our reservation at the outdoor seafood restaurant. Of all the a la carte bookings, this one was the least desirable but it was still okay. I had a lobster stew which wasn't all that good, but the others had shrimp and rice which they said were quite good.

"How were your stream beans, Wendy?", asked Don.

"Hmm…" she replied mimicking Jacqueline.

For some reason, we ended up with 11 unused glasses at our small table. Don endeared himself to the waitress by constantly yelling, "Can we get some more glasses, please!!". Then he amused the 4 year old at the next table (Luke) by making Yak noises and stacking spoons on his nose. Luke wasn't particularly amused, but his mother and the other patrons were. We also had about 5 cats wandering around begging for fish. At one point a cat fight broke out under our table between two males. It was quite scary. I'll have to say, our restaurant certainly had "atmosFEAR".

After our entertaining meal, the four of us went to an outdoor modeling show. Don and I left to get us all drinks. When we returned, Wendy and Jacqueline had been whisked off their feet by two young Cubans and were dancing down the aisle. Again with the dancing!!! Jacqueline assured me she didn't dance.

"How about if we go to the disco tonight?" I asked once she'd torn herself away from her young Cuban.

"What…with you? You can't even walk", she replied pointing to my swollen heels.

The modeling show went on. The most attractive model came waltzing down the aisle and began gyrating in front of me. Everyone was completely amazed…especially when they discovered I was sound asleep and missed the whole thing. As Jacqueline said later, "I take it back…you have my blessings to go to Cuba all by yourself anytime you like. I now trust you completely." I was glad to hear that, I thought, as I set my alarm for 2:00 pm and scavenged some pesos from Jacqueline's purse. After all, Don and I had a rendezvous at the prostitute tree.

Monday February 11, 2008

As per usual, I shook Jacqueline and forced her to get up by 9:00 or we'd miss breakfast. Originally, we had planned to jog every morning on the beach. Somehow that eluded us. We joined Don and Wendy for our regular meal then the four of us decided to walk the beach to the next resort on the left - the Grand Club Santa Lucia. It was a nice resort as well and had a peacock and pink flamingos on the grounds. We wandered around their little paths while Jacqueline grazed on some of the more interesting berries she found. We were told that we could also eat at this resort no charge. Don went to one of the bars and got himself and Wendy a drink. I was next in line. They spotted my different coloured bracelet so Jacqueline and I were banned from the bar. Apparently, no one told the bartenders of the hotel agreements. Wendy and Don sipped their pina coladas while Jacqueline and I died a thousand deaths in the glaring sun.

On the way back we had a brief rainshower…the only one during our stay. Wendy was accosted by a beach vendor who wanted to corn roast her hair. Wendy was willing to try anything since she had forgotten her electrical converter and been unable to use her curdling iron since she arrived. Don stayed behind to supervise. Jacqueline and I returned to our resort and laid out by the pool. We went for a swim and had a drink at the swim-up bar. Later we went for a snorkel out in the ocean but it was a little wavy so we didn't see very much but we still had a more than excellent swim poking around here and there. And Dave said it was very good.

Later, we decided to go for a bike ride. I was given a suitable bike for my height. Unfortunately, the clerk misjudged Jacqueline's height and gave her a very small bike. She didn't notice that her knees were touching her chin when she pedalled until we were about a mile away. Other than that, I was quite impressed with the bikes. They were just your standard issue with no gears and the brakes were the old style that worked when you pedalled backwards. However, they were very easy to pedal. We biked to the left about 3 miles to the turnaround. At that point I took pity on Jacqueline and switched bikes with her. On our return we celebrated with one rum-based pina colada each. It went right to Jacqueline's head. She passed out in the room around 6:00. I left J bundled up in her bed and went off for a great supper with Wendy and Don. When I got back I read for a while in the bathroom so I wouldn't disturb my roomate. Another perfect day!

Tuesday February 12, 2008

Fourteen hours later, Jacqueline finally awoke from her hangover. She had a shower, I knocked on our adjoining door and invited Wendy and Don in unaware that Jacqueline hadn't dressed. She was lying on the bed under a small towel. Wendy and Don came in and sat on the bed talking about their plans for the day. Jacqueline took it all in stride…but later, she killed me.

After our usual foursome breakfast, Jacquie and I went for another beachwalk. We raced back in time to take our free train tour. Of course, the train was broken today but they supplied us with a full size bus instead. We went about 2 miles down the road to a small public school and were given a tour. The school room and the kids reminded me of my own childhood school in Mexico where I grew up. They were very friendly and all waved hello to us. We also stopped at a minimall next door then we were taken to the turnaround (the same bicycle route we took the day before) and back to the resort. Not a particularly thrilling tour but interesting.

Jacqueline and I set off on another grand beach walk to the right with our bottle full of iced pineapple juice. We went for another great swim in the middle of nowhere then laid out in the sand for about half an hour. Very relaxing. Scene missing…

Back home, we grabbed some fish and chips (hamburger for me) from the beach bar and laid out by the pool. As we walked by I spotted a pile of towels on a lawn chair with a hat I recognized as Wendy's.

"I think that pile of rags is Wendy", I said.

"I think you're right," replied Jacqueline.

Eventually Wendy emerged from her cocoon and sauntered by with some more fish which Jacqueline willingly took off her hands. She never even moved from her lounge chair but ate it while laying down. Eventually we got so hot we couldn't stand it, so naturally we went off to the tennis courts for a few games. From there we went in search of the legendary iguanas that hang out behind complex #14. We stumbled over them and took a few pictures. We retraced our route and brought Don, Wendy and some other interested stragglers along to see our new pets.

Later in the afternoon, Jacqueline and I took over the tour desk and played a hand of "Uno" (a card game) while sipping on margueritas. A few people stopped by but we weren't convincing enough to sell them any tours. We tried to talk Mike and Charlene (a Canadian couple from Cornwall) into playing with us but ended up talking instead. Even later, the four of us met for dinner again. During our meal we had a power failure. It was quite romantic…until I found out it was Don holding my hand. We heard from Mike and Charlene that there was supposed to be a big festival starting tonight at midnight. We asked around and got answers ranging from, "It won't start until 2:00 a.m." to "there is no festival." Somehow it got changed to the "Flatulence Festival" and then "the Cat Flatulence Festival" and we were all cracking up. Wendy borrowed my pen and scheduled it into the actual activity sheet, which was posted by the restaurant. As she was writing, a couple from Montreal looked over her shoulder saying in a French accent, "The Cat Flatulence Festival?! What that is?!" Don ran away. Back at our room the power went on and off so many times it seemed like we were in a disco.

Wednesday February 13, 2008

We all met for breakfast as usual…and as usual it was very good. After, the four of us went down to the beach. Jacqueline and I went for another paddleboat ride. I was careful not to put my feet anywhere near the pedals until Jacqueline was settled in.

The four of us ate our fish and chips and hamburgers at the beach restaurant. There was a guy there completely covered in tatoos. I was going to impress him with the stick on tatoo I had on my ankle but I got sidetracked.

Later I arranged for a 1:00 catamaran tour for the four of us. I had been on one before and got everyone psyched up about what a fast and thrilling ride it was. Well, apparently you need some wind for it to be thrilling. Today was one of the only days we had no wind, which made it pretty hot. Our 35 minute tour turned into an hour tour. We went 2km out to the reef.

"What is this…the senior's ride?" asked Wendy.

"I can swim faster than this", said Don.

"Hmm," said Jacqueline.

We were in the middle of commenting on how none of us new how to operate a catamaran and hoped nothing happened to our guide, when suddenly he dropped everything and dove overboard. We were a little apprehensive but eventually he came back up wearing a starfish for a hat. That seems to be the local style here. He passed it around and we all took turns wearing it before tucking it back in to its seabed. Slow as it was, we did have a good time and later bestowed some Dollar Store gifts to our guide in appreciation.

J and I had our usual meal at the beach shack. The fish there is very good and we were told it was "Melusa" which apparently is a fairly large fish…not to be confused with Medussa (Wendy's nickname after getting her hair corn rowed). To relax, we filled up with pineapple juice and set off about 5 miles to the left. The beaches were completely deserted that way as well. We had a great day beachcombing. Jacqueline particularly liked the many varieties and shapes of the driftwood logs we found on shore. At one point on the way back we were sitting on one relaxing and watching the sunset, commenting how deserted it was when a donkey cart came around the corner with several men in it. However, there were no accidents to report this time.

We saw two giant green sea snails (or sea hares) washed up on shore. They would make great pets. They were so ugly, they were cute. If you touched them they would sort of curl into a blob and were about a eight inches long by six inches high and six inches wide. Another time we got a scare when we saw what looked like a shark fin circling in the water close to shore. It turned out to be the insole of someone's shoe on the end of a string. It was very life-like.

Eventually we made our way back by about 6:45 and did the supper thing with Don and Wendy. In some of the reviews of the hotel, people wrote in saying the food was repetitive and bland. I did not find that at all. It was different every night with a huge variety including turkey, roast beef, ice cream, different cheeses, pasta, make your own pizza, fish, soups etc., and I found it excellent.  There was a bar near the lobby that had small sandwiches that sat out for at least 24 hours at a time, possibly even 48 hours.  We commented on them every time we walked by.  It was our personal joke. The other complaint by someone was that it was too windy. The wind was perfect. It wasn't noticeable at all except that it took the heat away which was ideal.

The four of us went for a walk off the resort and found "The Festival". It was extremely loud but other than that, there wasn't much to see so we headed back "home".

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Our last day. We were all crying despite it being Valentine's Day. The four of us went for our last breakfast. We gave our waiter, "Fidel" some gifts as he was always smiling and entertaining us. It was discouraging knowing that when I got home, no one was going to be making me an omelette in the morning (although…perhaps if I buy Jacqueline a big white chef's hat and apron…). Back at our room, J and I exchanged our Valentine's gifts. Don and I decided to go snorkeling. Wendy and Jacqueline elected to remain behind to pack…but I found out later it was really to eat all the chocolates.

Don had flippers but I didn't bother with any so we snorkelled out from the front of the hotel. The water is quite shallow even a km out it would still only be about chest deep. Some other guests had mentioned that there was a small reef out there and we were surprised when we found it. Don and I spent about an hour pointing out various formations and different fish. I thought I spotted what looked like a small octopus so I dove down to have a look. Don said when I came close to it, it zoomed away like a rocket. It was a strange box-like fish that didn't look like it belonged anywhere.

I was a little ahead of Don and spotted an interesting rock formation with 3 or 4 larger fish swimming around it. Suddenly, in the centre of it all, I spied a very unhappy and vicious looking moray eel. He was staring right at me and snapping his jaws. The teeth did not look particularly inviting. I backed up and pointed at it for Don. Don didn't see what I meant so he swam closer. I yelled at him through my snorkel.

"Tharsamorayeel…washout!!", I yelled through my snorkel

"Whaaagt?", snorkelled Don back.

I removed my snorkel and told Don what I'd seen and that they could be quite dangerous. Don had a look.

"I don't see it", he said.

I had a look as well.

"I don't see it now either…that can't be good", I replied.

We both had another look and then spotted it. It was less than 2 feet away and coming right at us with the lovely row of flashing teeth glinting in the Caribbean sea. We turned and ran screaming like little girls. Don's story is that despite my not wearing flippers, I left him in my wake. I didn't have to outswim the eel…I only had to outswim Don. We didn't stop until we were safely in our respective rooms. By leaving out the eel portion of our swim, we were able to talk the girls into joining us for a repeat snorkel. This time I got myself and Jacqueline some fins from the beach hut.

EEL ATTACK SURVIVORS

"Dos patas", I requested to the attendant.

This cracked him up. Apparently some Spanish does not translate to Cuban. I had asked for two ducks. Once that was sorted out, the four of us hit the beach. Mine fit perfect. Jacqueline had tried hers on and they seemed fine but once we got ½ a km out, her feet either swelled to double size or else the salt water shrunk her flippers. We had to assemble a team to get her flippers on. It was quite a struggle but we eventually managed it. We had an excellent time snorkelling around but try as we did, we were unable to find the eel's den again. None of us wanted to give it up but today was our last day and we had to return to finish packing.

Jacqueline gathered up all the shells and marine life we collected and took them down to a nice rock on the beach for a photograph. Then we set them all free as we were not allowed to bring any back to Canada on the pain of death…or a $10,000.00 fine (I would prefer death).

Had a last shower then we checked out. J and Wendy got us seats on the bus while Don and I brought the bags. When it was Don's turn to put his bags in the outside compartment, the driver said there was no more room and he would have to wait for the next bus. Don told him his wife was already on this bus and had saved him a seat. The driver was annoyed but took his bags. He told me the same thing and I repeated Don's message. The driver was now enraged. He took my bag and tossed it so hard, I heard it thump on the far wall of the bus. We had great seats across from each other. Jacqueline had the window and took pictures during the 1.5 hour ride to Camaguey. Customs there was a breeze although they made me put my carry on bag through the x-ray twice - no doubt having a double look at my harmonica. The four of us played a game of Uno while we waited.  Then Jacqueline took out her surprise package for Wendy and Don.  It was one of the thin 48 hour sandwiches from the bar. We all had a good laugh at that.  Jacqueline was amazed when the plane taxied right up to the front door. As we boarded, the guy ahead of us finished his bottle of water and wedged it into the hinge of the plane's door.

WENDY & DON WITH YUMMY SANDWICH

"Did you see what that jerk ahead of us did with his water bottle!!" said Jacqueline to everyone who would listen…including the jerk himself.

Wendy was frowned at by an incredulous stewardess who said, "You're still wearing your bathing suit!!!?"

We got excellent window seats. Don and Wendy were just ahead of us. The woman beside them was fuming because she had paid extra for a window seat and was stuck sitting in the aisle. She took it out on the guy ahead of her. When he tilted his seat back, she grabbed it and started shaking it like a maniac.

We got stuck with "Chatty Carl" who gave us a one hour seminar on Cuba. My eyes glazed over. The Skyservice flight was not much better than the first one. Again, my knees were crammed into the seat ahead of me. Of course, what can you expect when you're an 11.5" tall, shamed coroner from the old age home. Jacqueline had previously and dyslexically described me to her sister as being 11'5" tall. Her mother had further enhanced my image by telling her I looked somewhat like the recently shamed and indicted coroner that was in the news and somewhat like someone she knew at the old age home. "But Steve seems like a nice enough chap" said her father.

Continuing on, we had turkey on a raisin bun and a plastic tub of water. There was no movie and no music on any of the headphone channels. Wendy and Don had requested a vegetarian meal. They got vegetables on a bun. Wendy dropped half her bun so she was not amused. Jacqueline said she really enjoyed the flight back since her first flight had been a disaster. The pilot got us to Toronto in one piece, which made up for most of the discomfort.

We arrived at Toronto around 1:30 or so. The Canadian Customs was also a breeze. We could have smuggled any number of seashells, liquor or Cubans had we known. Wendy phoned our hotel to have the shuttle service pick us up. We went outside in the cold and waited. It didn't show up. Wendy and Don went to phone again while J and I waited.

Eventually it turned up 30 minutes later. The driver helped with the bags. He took mine and kicked it across the bus until he had it where he wanted it.

"I see you're very experienced at this sort of thing", I said sarcastically.

"Yes, I've been doing this a long time", he said not catching on.

Finally arrived back at the Radisson around 3:00 a.m. We had a nice room with two queen sized beds. They each had electronic softness adjustment. We played with that for a while and finally went to sleep. At 4:00 a.m. the alarm went off. The last guest had kindly set it for us.

Friday February 15, 2008

Got up. It was much harder arranging the bags in the trunk of my car this time but eventually they all seemed to fit. Don and Wendy bought our lunch at Milestones just down the road and I drove us back.

"I'll need to see your passport," I said to Don before he climbed into the passenger seat.

Don glared at me.

It was a unanimous agreement that we had had the perfect vacation in paradise with the perfect companions.

"Hmm," said Jacqueline.

Click Here For A Slide Show Of Our Trip